Why am I not over myself yet!

SO I no longer have a job as I was laid off 2 weeks ago on my birthday! I have not really let the rel emotions of this set in yet and am afraid how I will act when they finally do. I am playing fine and nothing wrong, and I am happy to be home with the kids but truth is I am not fine or happy. I know it! I am trying to just get my all easy and smooth but I wanna scream inside. I am made to work and do things! I know it sounds odd but I did not bust my ass when I was 16 having a baby so I could have a degree in business management just to fall flat in my face! Why can't I find something from home or something I only have to go into the office like 2 days a week! Does that even exist and if it did how in the hell would I get it! I need direction........Prayer....... Family.........Friends Support..........I need a lot apparently. I really am having a hard time right now and that is not me i need to snap the f*** out of it already! I think a lot of added stress to me is that I am in constant pain! Before the pregnancy I was in pain from the endometriosis, and now my disc in my back so now I have the pain from both almost constant and am still supposed to be peach keen well GAG ME! I am sick of stepping around like Merry Sue for Casey and my 7 yr old tries my patients tremendously! My mother who is non existent to help me through this! And all my friends are going through so much of their own they don't really have time. I am ready for me to be over this already and go back to normal DGAF Jenelle :). Grrrrrrrrrrrrr... Well I do feel better now that I have written it all down a least :) until next time!